The Pied Piper of Konoha
by Martel Baptiste Crow
Summary: At the Chunin Exams, Naruto learns he has a rep in Mist. Tazuna really should stop drinking before he tells a story.
1. The Epithet's Introduction

Somewhere, in a tavern, a man sat at a bar, loudly telling his story for everyone to hear. Because he was such a prominent figure in his community, there was a crowd around him as he drunkenly told his tale, the way he had seen it. The crowd was enraptured and quite a few people were in awe as they learned the story behind the naming of the country's new bridge.

There were also a few ninja in that tavern. And when the story was finished, they raced back to their village with news of a brightly-clothed boy who somehow talked a man into his death.

* * *

*Quite A Few Weeks Later; At Konoha's Chunin Exams*

Naruto squinted at the silver-haired genin, a little bit jealous of Gaara's reputation. Technically, the same could be said about him, right? He came back from every mission without a scratch, too! So what if he had freaky healing abilities thanks to the Kyuubi? It still counted. He was just as awesome as Gaara of the Sand.

"Hey!" The blond ninja loudly exclaimed. Everyone's attention, even those not in the Rookie Nine plus Kabuto, turned to him. Naruto grinned. "My turn. I want to see my record!"

Sakura growled and raised a fist. "No one cares, you idiot!"

The poor boy only turned pleading eyes on her. "Please, Sakura-chan? I'll shut up, I swear!"

Shocked by his promise and the sudden brightness of his blue eyes, Sakura's fist stopped in mid-air, suspended as if it were being held by some unseen force. Ino raised an eyebrow when the pink-haired girl let her hand drop to her side. Since when did Forehead _not _hit the Blond Idiot when he did something stupid?

Kabuto nervously glanced at the genin behind him, taking in the growing irritation and killer intent that was beginning to permeate the air. He sighed. His plan could do with some tweaks and changes. "What's your full name?" he reluctantly asked, even though he already knew quite well what it was.

Naruto flashed him a million-ryo smile. "My name is Uzumaki Naruto, believe it!"

'_Don't worry, I do_,' Kabuto wryly thought to himself, then he paused. '_Wait a minute._..'

"Uzumaki Naruto is in this exam?!"

The Rookie Nine plus Kabuto turned to stare at an older boy with a Mist headband. He and his teammates were looking back at Naruto with barely disguised wariness and a hint of awe. Confusion and apprehension replaced the killer intent in the air as Naruto blinked and scratched his chin.

"Yeah..." Naruto said, unsure. "I am!"

"That's not fair! He shouldn't even count as a genin!" the older boy exclaimed.

"Hey!" Naruto shouted back, growing angry. What the hell was he saying that for? "You can't say that! I have a headband just like you do!"

Sasuke smirked at his teammate. "Even the other villages have heard of the Dobe of Konoha," he taunted.

"You shut up!" Naruto angrily said, getting in Sasuke's face. "Alright so I failed the graduation exam three times, but I earned my forehead protector!"

Shikamaru furrowed his brows. He'd always been curious about that. Iruka-sensei couldn't possibly have favored him so much that he'd relent and give Naruto a free pass. That's wasn't fair to others and to Naruto, himself. "How? You couldn't do the clone technique." the lazy genin pointed out.

"I beat Mizuki fair and square," Naruto hissed and leaned away from Sasuke, clutching his forehead protector with both his hands as if someone would rip it away from him then and there. "And I learned a better clone technique. Mine are _solid_. Ha!"

Kabuto raised his eyebrows, genuinely surprised. "Solid clones? How did you learn a Forbidden technique?"

Kiba growled, irritated by the hype Naruto was creating. "So what? He's still the dead-last. Read his card- that's all the proof you'll need!"

When the room's attention turned on him, Kabuto nodded in acquiescence, especially when his disguised master gave him an amused nod. It wouldn't hurt to give out the information. He, himself, had grown curious as well. "Very well, then," he said before drawing a different blank card and channeling a bit of chakra into it. "Uzumaki Naruto. Genin of Konoha. Genjutsu is nonexistent. Ninjutsu is nonexistent. Taijutsu is average..."

Naruto flushed under the mocking stares of his teammates and former peers, but stared resolutely at Kabuto. So he couldn't do any genjutsu - who cared? They never worked on him for some whacked-out reason so why would he learn? Genjutsu was too sneaky anyway. He was a shinobi, not a dirty fighter. And Kage Bunshin was so a ninjutsu! He didn't need any other since solid clones were beyond awesome! And taijutsu... okay, he'd concede that one. Kakashi-sensei totally had him during that bell test.

"...and one unofficial mission. Jounin level stamina. Unimaginable amounts of chakra. A-class nin in Kiri for the death of Momochi Zabuza and Gato, founder of the Gato Company. Heir to Wave Country..."

Naruto stared at Kabuto, wide-eyed and disbelieving. What the hell was written on that card? Who the hell had written it? Kami, he sounded awesome!

Sakura, on the other hand, was twitching. "He's the what of what?" she asked, sounding incredulous, only really catching the 'Heir of Wave' epithet.

Kabuto raised an eyebrow, suddenly uncertain and suspicious. He read the card over twice before he looked up to face Sasuke and Sakura. "It says here that he's known in the Mist and Wave as the Pied Piper of Konoha. He wears brightly colored clothing..." Kabuto paused to look Naruto over one more time, eyes widening before he continued, "And, he took down Zabuza by talking him into his death. You two are his teammates - weren't you there?"

Sasuke was about to harshly deny that Naruto had done all those things until he realized that he honestly wouldn't know since he'd been unconscious until everything was all over. He turned dark eyes towards Sakura who was rapidly paling. She subconsciously took a half-step back.

"Well, I mean, he did hand Zabuza that kunai," Sakura slowly said, furrowing her brows as she tried to recall everything that had happened that day. "I couldn't hear what they were saying. They were too far away and Gato's thugs were making so much noise. Next thing I know, Zabuza is charging into a mob of armed rogues...with nothing but a kunai in his mouth...just to kill...Gato..."

Naruto opened his mouth to tell the real story, how Zabuza had asked him for the kunai, but then he saw the looks of awe, surprise and fear on some people in the room, the wariness on Kabuto's face, and the disbelief on Sasuke's. It was Kiba, though, that made up his mind for him. That and the way Sakura was staring at him as if she had never seen him before.

"This idiot?! No way in hell! He could never do something amazing like that! He was the dead-last of the whole entire freaking Academy!" Kiba loudly shouted, his arms waving limply in the air. "Look at him! They got the bright clothes right, but -!"

Sasuke pushed the brash Inuzuka out of his breathing space and grabbed Naruto by the lapels of his jacket. "Dobe, it did not happen that way," he stated. However, it still came out sounding like a question.

Naruto would have responded, but then Ibiki had entered the room.

**A/N:** LOOOOOOOL, this came to me during a class one day and I have to admit, the idea was too funny to pass up. I'm not sure if I'll continue this; I only wanted to put this out there to see if anyone else would be as amused as I currently am.

I love Kiba, in case you couldn't tell.

Deuces!


	2. Furthering the Fame

Naruto was confused.

"You have potential. I had always wondered how _he_ had always managed to get what he wanted done, but I now realize that it was because of this ability that is now manifesting in you. This whole village loved him, a powerful no-named orphan. And now…you. They are starting to love you, too."

The blond boy only scratched his chin as he squinted up at the Mummy Man who had cornered him in a dark alley on his way home from irritating Sasuke at the hospital. Man, that guy was such a wimp. Naruto had gotten out ages ago and Sasuke was still in bed like the princess he claimed he wasn't. And, Sasuke hadn't even _beat_ Gaara!

"I should have taken you under my wing when I had the chance. The things I could have done! The things I could still do!"

Naruto froze at that then took three huge steps back. He held his hands out in front of him in a don't-come-any-closer gesture. "Whoa, whoa, wait a minute! I don't know what you've heard about my Sexy Jutsu, but I've got a look but don't touch policy!"

Mummy Man looked up from his mutterings with a glare and Naruto wondered why the man even bothered with such a look when he'd kept his only visible eye closed for most of the time he'd stood there talking to himself.

"Insolent boy," the man muttered. Then he shook his head and the glare disappeared. He hobbled a little closer to Naruto who leaned away. "What happened in your fight against Gaara of the Sand?"

"You're telling me nobody saw that?" Naruto exclaimed, incredulous. "I was on a giant freaking toad and he turned into a giant freaking monster! We were right next to the village!"

Mummy Man gritted his teeth and nodded in agreement. "Yes, yes," he slowly said. "Most who could observe saw that part. Then we saw the Kyuubi appear in the toad's place. And then there was smoke. After that, not even the genin who were with you can tell us what happened. All they reported was that the transformed Gaara had come out of his monster state and that he'd surrendered to you. How had that happened?"

Naruto shook his head and though he was really tempted to lie, he knew this guy had to be someone important. He'd seen him around a couple times back when he was always in the Hokage's office for one prank or another.

The blond ninja nervously laughed. "Well, since you know about the whole toad and the Kyuubi part, then… well, after the summoning disappeared, there was smoke everywhere. I shouted at Gaara and then I punched him in the face."

"You…shouted at him?" Mummy Man said, sounding shocked and disbelieving and a bit envious. Naruto decided he kind of liked that tone. There was nothing better than proving his strength to people who thought he would never amount to anything. Mummy Man's eyebrow was twitching.

Naruto nodded. "Yeah," he said. "And then I punched him in the face. Don't forget that part. It was a super strong punch, believe it."

"Did you perhaps use chakra in your voice? In your words? In your _punch_?"

Naruto scratched his chin again and lightly blushed. "Alright, so I don't have a flashy jutsu like everyone else seems to, but no! No chakra! I shouted then I punched him – _yeah_. Then he became my friend. He's a really good guy once he's not trying to kill you anymore. "

Mummy Man's eyes had opened once again and he was observing Naruto with a very careful, narrowed eye. "And, I recall you did the same thing with the Hyuuga boy…"

Naruto rolled his eyes as he remembered that fight. "Kind of, I guess. But he needed a lot more talking to. But, I'm glad I got him to see how stupid he was being. Fate? Pfft, yeah, right. But now that he's got that pole out of his ass, he's a good guy, too. He's my friend now."

"Yes, yes, your match had been abnormally long and filled with quite a bit of dialogue," Mummy Man said as he, too, recalled the fight that he had been absentmindedly watching from the shadows. Now he wished he had paid the boy's match more attention. "And I surmise that's how you killed Momochi Zabuza?"

Naruto felt sick at the way the man had carelessly phrased it. He grew quiet and less exuberant. "No, I handed him the kunai," he slowly said, feeling guilty.

"I see."

Naruto shook his head as the memories of Wave came back to him, bringing with it the sadness he'd pushed away at hearing of the Third's death. He decided it was time for him to go home, eat some instant ramen and maybe try to get some sleep.

"Right, so… hope you don't have any more questions 'cause I got to go now. Bye."

And with that said, Naruto turned around and joined the main street.

Maybe he'd go look for the Pervy Sage tomorrow and try to get him to teach him a new justu, something awesome so he would have something more impressive to say when people asked 'What happened in the fight with so-and-so?'

* * *

A/N: I couldn't resist not updating.

If you couldn't tell, Mummy Man was Danzo. I know he may seem a bit...OOC, but I really don't know how to write him. Oh, well.

And, really, there had been a lot of smoke. In cannon, no non-Hyuuga seems to be able to see through summoning smoke. Maybe because it's full of dispersing chakra? I don't know... (Naruto-science is confusing sometimes...)

Oh, and if you hadn't known, Mummy Man had been talking about Minato in the beginning.


	3. Orange Recognition

Hoshigaki Kisame liked to consider himself a bold guy. How could he not? His looks weren't exactly that of a normal human's – blue skin was way beyond the norm. From early childhood he'd had to embrace his image and believe it was something to be exultant about because he didn't look like anybody else that anyone else had ever seen. So instead of crying about it and becoming some sort of pansy emo writer who lived in a cabin on an island off the shore of Mist, he'd become a shinobi – a very enthusiastic shinobi – and his attitude towards life was to grab it by the fin and not let it swim away.

Unfortunately, his bold attitude had deserted him as soon as he'd come face to face with Uzumaki Naruto. See, when Leader had sent him and Itachi to go get the Kyuubi Brat, Kisame hadn't bothered with learning the brat's real name (Itachi was better with intricate details).

But now that he had…

"Don't let him talk!" Kisame growled at his young partner who had been the one to heartlessly allow him to learn the identity of the Kyuubi Brat. He lost his battle-hungry smirk and glared at the Being in Orange that deceptively stared guilessly at him from the doorway of his hotel room.

Kisame wasn't fooled. No ninja in the world had eyes as naïve as _that_.

Uchiha Itachi spared his partner a passive glance. "Pardon?"

"What? C'mon, I'm not annoying anymore!" Naruto complained, scowling (though it looked more like a pout) as he crossed his arms moodily. "Even Iruka-sensei thinks I've mellowed out from the loudmouthed baby ninja I was before! Why can't anybody see that I'm just as awesome as -!"

"Stop talking!" Kisame demanded when he felt the stirrings of understanding tug at his shriveled black missing-nin heart. Hadn't he felt the same way when he had earned his chunin rank even though his looks had made him the least liked by the village elders who had been convinced that his looks were the product of a bloodline?

_Wait a second…_

Kisame froze. Why in the _hell_ was he choosing now of all times to remember his past? He furrowed his brows and then glanced suspiciously at the orange-clad genin that stood a few feet away from him.

Oh, hell no.

The boy hadn't even used any chakra that Samehada could sense!

* * *

Naruto squinted up at Gai and Jiraiya then over at the curiously pink walls that Jiraiya's jutsu had produced. What had he called it? Everything was slimy and he did not like the feel of the humid air that was blowing from the ceiling.

"This had been a really weird day," the young blond said with an exasperated shake of his head. When those freaky missing-nin had come, he had been scared. But then that fish-looking guy started telling his partner not to talk to him – which pissed him off incredibly. He wanted to at least know why he was being disturbed by two guys he didn't know who wanted to kidnap him. If they didn't tell him, he would have had to assume the worst, which was bad enough since he was sure that they weren't Leaf ninja and so wouldn't know about his infamous Sexy Jutsu.

Naruto inwardly shivered. First that Mummy Man in the alley and now these creeps in cloaks with cotton candy shapes? If he'd known that beating up Gaara would make him so…wanted by weird guys, he might have reconsidered going after the Sand-nin. His new fame was bringing him attention of the unwanted and weird kind.

And then he'd learned that one of the guys he was after him was Sasuke's brother! What a coincidence! But, damn, the beating Sasuke got looked _bad_. He whistled lowly, looking over at his unconscious teammate and shaking his head pityingly. Was it him or did Sasuke have some sort of chronic disease that made it so he could never stay awake to the end of a big fight? First Haku, then Gaara, and now his older brother? If he believed in fate (which he doesn't!) then he'd think It had something against him. Poor bastard.

Oh well.

"Hey, Pervy Sage," Naruto loudly said when it looked like Gai and Jiraiya weren't going to pay him or the unconscious Uchiha any mind. "You better not have blown my money! I'm hungry!"

Jiraiya scowled at the nickname but reached into his pocket anyway. He tossed his student the battered frog-shaped wallet. "There's enough for ramen, kid," he nonchalantly told him before resuming his discussion with Gai.

Naruto peeked into his considerably thinner wallet and groaned.

Damn Pervy Sage left him enough for only _one_ bowl.

* * *

A/N: Umm, just want to say a few things:

1. Dafuq is up with Naruharem pairings? I got one review asking for it and two PMs begging for it. Geez. Chill. This is a light hearted story. I doubt there will be any romance of any kind.

2. I know Kisame is way OOC, but this characterization falls more in line with the story. I mean, I wasn't going to have Itachi freak out like this. That would be... painful to read.

3. Yes. Kisame is S-rank while Naruto is supposedly A-rank. Why does Kisame even worry? Well, you know how you have to look underneath the underneath in the ninja world... ranks mean nothing in the grand scheme of things. Hadn't Kabuto been SOMEHOW classified as a genin (I really don't know how nobody caught on to him until that particular time in the series...)?

4. I love Gai. But he had no lines. Why? Because I wouldn't do his youthful flames justice.

5. I love Jiraiya, too.

6. Yes. Neji was "that bad". If you can't see that he wasn't, you are blind.

7. Kiddos to Analon! Your review came on a lovely rainy day and kind of inspired me to write another chapter. =)

Deuces!


	4. New Blond Monster

Funnily enough, Jiraiya had _not_ been aware of Naruto's growing reputation.

His spy network only focused on threats to Konoha and the occasional female-only hot spring, not twelve year old brats who could supposedly 'talk a man into his death'. Besides, it had only been in Mist that the boy was listed. And, every shinobi worth his forehead protector (and those that aren't) knew that getting a Bingo book from Mist was like making a hundred shadow clones – it could be done, but whichever lucky shinobi who managed to survive would be suffering from chakra exhaustion for _years_.

So, really, Jiraiya can't be blamed for his reaction when all the rogue-nin in the bar backed away when Tsunade got into a loud argument with his blond student.

"The Pied Piper!"

"Colored clothing! He's here?!"

"Don't let him _talk_!"

Jiraiya looked around, wide-eyed, before he realized that everyone's shaky fingers, even those that belonged to the barely standing drunk civilians, were pointing in the direction of the boy who had his hand raised and pointed at Tsunade.

What the hell was going on here?

Seeing that Naruto was still talking and that Tsunade was talking back, Jiraiya stealthily made his way over to the most sensible looking rogue-nin and decided that he needed to get some answers. He was the king of spies – it wouldn't do for him to have a student with a double life that he knew nothing about.

"Scared of a twelve year old boy?" Jiraiya taunted once he'd gotten close enough. His eyebrow twitched when the man didn't even turn to look at him.

"That's no boy," the man said, his voice gruff and low. He narrowed his eyes at the spectacle everyone was watching. "He's one of them bloodline monsters. One of the worst I've ever heard of!"

Jiraiya blinked twice at that. Bloodline? How could Naruto have a bloodline? "I hate to have to tell you this, but you've got the wrong kid. We aren't looking for any kind of trouble-!"

"No, that's the Pied Piper, alright," another rogue-nin said, his voice barely above a whisper. "And, keep it down, Kuro. You might draw his attention over here!"

Kuro snorted and rolled his eyes. "You're the one that's shouting, Kenji. I was just educating this civilian about Uzumaki Naruto – the new terror to the shinobi world."

Jiraiya almost snapped at the man for being so stupid that he didn't recognize who exactly he'd just called a civilian, especially since Jiraiya hadn't even gone out of his way to disguise himself, but then he realized that it would be the best way to get some answers.

"Right," the Toad Sage quickly agreed. "I'm just a lowly civilian. Who is the blond kid with the dumb-looking face?"

"That's Uzumaki Naruto, the Pied Piper of Konoha," Kenji quickly answered, eager to share his knowledge. "He took down the Demon of the Mist, Momochi Zabuza, just by talking to him."

Jiraiya choked on his spit. "What –?" he gasped out, coughing.

"He talked him into it, pure and simple," Kuro said, looking grim as he nodded in confirmation. "Next thing you know, Zabuza is headed into a crowd of a thousand rogue samurai with nothing but a kunai in his mouth just so he can kill Gato."

Kenji nodded his head vigorously, too. "Yeah. Gato! You know, of the Gato Company? And he succeeded, too! I talked to one of the guys who was there. He said Zabuza was being stabbed by all kinds of weapons you can think of, but that didn't slow him down. He didn't quit until Gato was dead!"

Jiraiya couldn't help but gape at the bogus story he was being told. A thousand rogue samurai? With only a kunai? What the hell did they take him for – an idiot?

"See, Mr. Civilian, you have to understand a couple things about the shinobi life," Kuro said when he caught Jiraiya's look of incredulity. "A shinobi's most important weapon is not his hands. No, it is his will, his reason for fighting. Some shinobi fight because they love their village; some fight simply because it's what they like to do. Whatever the reason, it is important to them and motivation, in case you didn't know, can be very, very deadly in a fight. It goes hand in hand with determination, and together, both things can make even the greeneset of genin – which is the lowest level of shinobi, Mr. Civilian – a wildcard."

Jiraiya was still gaping. "What?" he croaked, sounding very reminiscent of the toads he was fond of summoning. "What are you – what the hell? Wait -!"

"You're not understanding, I suppose?" Kenji shook his head sadly, inwardly bemoaning about how civilians would never understand the shinobi way of life. "See, the Pied Piper is able to manipulate a shinobi's reason for fighting. He talks like he can relate and before you know it, he's your best friend and you're willing to lay down your life for him. Even the Sand Monster of Suna fell prey to it. All the Pied Piper needs is your reason and your open ears – if he's got you, you're done for."

Kuro rolled his shoulders as he turned back to look at Naruto who was now walking outside with Tsunade. He shook his head disparagingly. "She's done for. If he's able to land a hit on her, that makes it even easier for him to enslave your senses."

Kenji thoughtfully looked back at Jiraiya who had paled upon seeing his student walk out with Tsunade. "What I really want to know is why shinobi are so gabby these days. His fearsome power wouldn't be so effective if we all weren't so eager to talk about our less than ideal pasts."

"I swear it's Konoha!" Kuro growled out. "Them and their stupid teammate shit. Doing missions together like they're family and shit… Pisses me the hell off! Don't they know philosophies spread?!"

Jiraiya quickly shook off his disbelief, deciding that what he'd just heard was the result of too much sake. "I'm guessing you're a rogue from Iwa," he nonchalantly said, one eyebrow raised. Kuro eyed him suspiciously in response.

Kenji blinked twice at Jiraiya, "Did you know you look like that really famous Toad Sennin of Konoha? Except, your hair is white."

Jiraiya decided that it was time for him to go make sure his student was still alive. How the hell did these drunk idiots manage to recognize Naruto, a genin, and not him, a Sanin? That proved that everything they had been telling him was a lie. What a waste! However… they did know who his student was…

"Jiraiya-sama! Hurry!"

The Toad Sennin quickly followed after Shizune and Ton-Ton, leaving behind two stunned rogue-nin.

"No wonder I failed out of the Academy," Kenji mumbled to himself, jaw-slack. "That was Jiraiya! So that means the Pied Piper is here with _him_!"

"He's got himself another blond monster!" Kuro swore. "I've got to tell my cousin about this!"

And so, another rumor spread.

* * *

_A/N:_ I am enjoying this one-shot turned drabble fic. It pleases me very much. LOL!

So a couple things to say:

1. See my love for Jiraiya peeking through?

2. Who can guess the new rumor?

3. I'm glad Kisame wasn't too OOC in the last chapter to a couple of you.

4. Kenji and Kuro are nonentities. They will not be appearing ever again.

5. No. No Naruharem. That's gross. Especially that Naru-incest joint...

6. Your feedback brings me joy! =)


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